Not blogging much these days. Don't much feel like it. I'm using all my strength to do what absolutely has to be done. Like teach school. Like clean the house. Like care for the cats.
I started getting sick March 8. I remember the date because it was the second week of state testing. By that Friday my voice was a rasp.
My dreams these past weeks have been populated with visits with people and pets long dead, intermixed with a couple of dreams which seemed to tell me that there's a battle going on within my body.
Physically, I have a constant cough coupled with a prodigious amount of phlegm. I often feel like I'm running a low grade fever, but, the few times I've checked, my temperature has been normal. This morning I had watery diarrhea.
One more thing... my thinking isn't as sharp as it was. I'm catching lots of errors in my writing.
I have made everything as ready as I can make it for a guy living alone. Everything that a person needs to know is posted on my fridge. Of utmost importance is the care of my cats.
Why am I writing this now? Because, coupled with the dream I had last year, there was a dream last night that seemed to promise something.
I'm clinging to a ladder swaying high in the sky. Below me on the same ladder is a man. I keep reassuring the man that help is coming. Sure enough, way high up in the sky, a light appears. It reminds me of a helicopter searchlight. Brilliant white, even in the light of day. I call down to the man below me. I tell him to just hold on, help is on the way. They're coming.
The symbols seem obvious. Below me on the ladder is my physical body. The "me" clinging to the ladder above the man is my higher self (or whatever term suits you). The light high above is, well, it can only be good, right? Bright white light and all that?
Message - Help, of some kind, is on the way.
There are two ways I can interpret this.
1. I am physically going to get better. That would be great. There's so much I need to do.
2. I am going to kick the bucket. (Yeah, well we're all gonna do that sometime, but I have to look at it in the context of last year's dream.)
I'd like to get physically better so I could catch up on all the outdoor chores I've had to forego these past weeks. My yard is a fountain of 5-foot-tall weeds. I did manage to plant a little spinach and lettuce and swiss chard, but it was exhausting work.
This morning I took care of a couple of upcoming birthdays.
Then I nuked my other blog, Outrage. (I started it in psychic desparation after the official halt to the U.S. hunt for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. This was a case where writing literally saved my life. It has served its purpose. The only thing I saved from that bitter testament is this. Only thing worth saving, I figure.)
I'm going to lay out the rest of the day. Whatever comes, comes. No regrets. I figure it's a win-win situation.